Setting Godly Boundaries

1. Develop The Control of Your Self-Property:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love,joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:23-23
Being a pleaser is usually someone who is compliant on the outside and resentful on the inside and does not practice the spirit of self-control. Just like God doesn’t force anyone to change, you can’t force anyone to change either. However, you are in control of the property of you. As a protector of your heart and its’ treasures, you absolutely have the right to accept or not accept certain behavior on your emotional property. You can’t change anyone or force them to change, but you can maintain the boundaries of your self-property and let them know that their behavior is not acceptable with you.

2. Guard Your Heart.
Above all else, guard your heart, for from it flows the wellspring of life. –Proverbs 4:23
Although Jesus said that we should operate as a unified community, there are always separate properties in a community. When properties have fences, they are there to let the good in and keep the bad out. It is important to guard our well-being from intruders or clingers, but equally important to receive goodness, help and love by letting it in through opening the gate.
Jesus also says, “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” -Matthew 7:6. This means if you’re wisdom, advice and time are not appreciated and valued by someone, by all means stop wasting it because you will eventually be hurt and left broken.

3. Know the Difference Between A Boulder and a Load:
This is my favorite one. Carry each other’s burdens,” says Galatians 6:2, “and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” This verse shows our responsibility to one another. Verse 5 goes on to say, that “each one should carry his own load.” The greek words for “burden” and “load” gives us insight into how to apply this to setting Godly boundaries.The greek word for burden means, “excess burden” or burdens so heavy they weigh us down. This is when we are responsible to helping someone carry weight they can not carry on their own.
The greek word for “load” is “cargo” or burden of daily toil. These are the daily responsibilities that need to be carried out in order to function in life.In this scripture, Jesus is calling us to help people do what they can not do for themselves, because that is what he did for us. However, we are each responsible for doing what we are capable of doing.
A good deciphering rule of thumb is to ask yourself if you are being asked to do something they are not able to do or to do something they don’t want to doThere is danger in confusing helping someone with an excess burden and enabling a daily toil. Stepping in and not allowing someone to take responsibility for their self-property (self-control) takes away the natural opportunity to be empowered or sharpened in crisis.

4. Check Your MotivesIf you are driven to do something out of any motive other than pure love and to bring glory to God… don’t do it at all.
Many of us know that we are being taken advantage of, even by the sweetest, most well-meaning people. Yet, we continue to drive ourselves crazy, dropping everything in order to come to their aid. Why do we do this? Some of us fear that if we stop helping, we will no longer be needed or will cause conflict and therefore will be discarded.
Here is a remedy for a fear of rejection or disrupted peace:“Whatever town or village you enter, search there for some worthy person and stay at their house until you leave. As you enter the home, give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.” Matt 10:11-14.Jesus told his followers if a town rejects you, leave the town and shake the dust off your feet. He doesn’t tell them to stay and take abuse.Setting boundaries is not being mean, it’s having self-respect. You cannot effectively love if you do not sustain your mental, emotional and spiritual health. Be prepared that some people will not adapt to your new boundaries well, which is fine. If someone leaves you because of your boundaries, then that was not a healthy relationship in the first place and you need to let the “bad” out of your fence to make room for the good to come in.