I have never felt sure of myself. As an eagle scout at age 13, swimming the mile swim, hiking the grand canyon, working in a BWR Nuclear plant putting in a one of a kind radio system for nuclear security, designing a secure reliable nuclear warning siren system for 5 parishes, rebuilding a transcontinental microwave system from Houston to NYC, being a father, a husband, starting an internet company, rejoining a consultancy I worked at 30+ years ago, designing electrical control systems for substations and regional grids, putting in one of the first utility fiber control systems in 1982, designing leading edge cyber security systems for power plants and grid transmission systems.
The best times in my life have been
- Surviving the mile swim at age 12
- Learning drafting from my grandfather
- spending summers on the Neches River
- pretending to run from my 3 year son, then 35 years later pretending to run and wrestle with my 3 to 7 year old grand nephews and niece.
- The work has always been fun, never a job, so all I have done has been good
- Participating in and then leading Bible Studies and watching the Word Come Alive in me and others.
- Marrying Leisa
- Realizing not to late that Jesus loves me this I know at age 42 – the moment when you KNOW and realize you were ignorant before.
- Learning that I can dance like no one is looking and not care if anyone is. Age 64.
- Seeing the first Star Trek movie in 1979 and then Wrath of Khan in 1982 and knowing that there was hope in Trek again. (you should laugh at this one)
- losing control of my quarter horse bareback riding and fighting to get back on from rotating around to her neck and her biting me while at full gallop.
No one I believe ever feels complete in themselves. I have done a lot. I am just a guy who tried to do the best I could and constantly fell short in my own eyes. I have been a legal adult since 1976. Sometimes I feel really like a child, sometimes I act like a child. Sometimes I am proud of what I do, sometimes am not. Whether good or not so good, I just rinse and repeat and try my best to make adjustments.
I have seen amazing things, looking back I have been privileged to be leading in many areas of professional and personal areas of life. I also feel I have much left to do.
The Worst times
- the death of Joshua, prior to that, I did not know pain. I came to know grief as a constant companion who never leaves.
- My grandfather dying when I was age 26, the first of my relatives that I was close to passing brought forth things in me I did not know how to process.
- My dad passing at 85, he had a full life but I was not ready to let him go.
So I go through each day, increasingly trying to be better and not be a burden to anyone. I think I may be becoming successful at life.
Have a great life, if I can, you can too.
John Hargrove Seeking Truth and Reality 