John Hargrove Seeking Truth and Reality

Two families lived across a narrow road from one another.

For many years they had been friends. They shared meals, helped when someone was sick, watched one another’s children, and prayed together when life became difficult.

But over time, small hurts accumulated.

One family remembered a promise that had not been kept. The other remembered words spoken sharply during a difficult season. One felt overlooked. The other felt unfairly criticized. Neither intended for the friendship to become broken, but neither completely understood what the other was carrying.

Eventually, each family began looking at the other through a different window.

One morning the husband in the first house looked across the road and said, “They didn’t wave at us. They must still be angry.”

Across the road, the other husband said, “They didn’t wave at us. I suppose they don’t want anything to do with us anymore.”

Neither knew that the morning sun had been shining directly into both windows.

Another day, one family drove past without stopping.

“They deliberately avoided us,” someone said.

Across the road, the explanation was much simpler: they were late for an appointment.

But because trust had already been damaged, ordinary events increasingly acquired extraordinary meanings.

Soon both families began speaking to a mutual friend.

“They always assume the worst about us,” said one.

Several days later the other said to the same friend, “They always assume the worst about us.”

“They talk about us instead of talking to us,” said one.

Later the friend heard almost exactly the same complaint from the other.

The friend listened carefully because he loved them both. But after hearing enough stories, something unexpected happened.

He began looking through their windows too.

When one family did something unusual, he remembered what the other family had told him and wondered whether there was a hidden reason. When the other family made a mistake, he remembered the accusations he had heard about them.

Eventually he realized that he knew many things about both families but that the families still knew very little from each other.

So the friend stopped trying to determine which window gave the correct view.

Instead, he invited both families outside.

He said:

“For months we have been looking through windows. From inside our houses, we can see actions, but we cannot always see intentions. We remember injuries, so we fill in what we cannot see with what we fear may be true.

“Some of the hurts are real. Some things need apologies. Some decisions need correction. Trust may take time to rebuild. And discovering that everyone has made mistakes does not mean everyone’s mistakes are equally serious.

“But we cannot reconcile interpretations. We can only reconcile people in truth.

“So when something happens, let us first establish what happened.

“When someone has been hurt, let that person speak directly and graciously.

“When we do not know someone’s motive, let us not supply one.

“When we have sinned, let us confess it without explaining it away.

“When someone else has sinned, let us seek restoration rather than victory.

“And when we disagree about something that is neither sin nor disobedience to Scripture, let us extend grace.”

Then the friend opened his Bible and read:

“The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.”
— Proverbs 18:17

Then he read:

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.”
— Matthew 18:15

Finally he read:

“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
— Ephesians 4:2–3

The problems between the families did not disappear that afternoon.

But something important changed.

They stopped asking,

“What are they really doing?”

and began asking,

“What is true, what is mine to correct, and what would honor Christ?”

And for the first time in a long while, they were no longer looking at one another through windows.

They were standing together in the light.