June 21 2002 – My wife and were in a movie, late night, watching Minority report – a sub theme was the grieving father whose son died. The Father was not handling the loss of his son well. I remember saying to Leisa how difficult that would be to lose your child. During the movie, my wife Leisa grabbed my arm and said something is wrong with Joshua, I got my phone to call, I started to dial and then she said no – never mind he is ok, as I put my phone away – I saw the time – 12:50am. We finished the movie and started calling Joshua. He did not answer. Leisa would tell me later that Jesus let her know that Joshua was ok (and God told Leisa that Joshua was not here anymore), and she received immediate peace. I did not receive peace, at least not at the same rate as Leisa did. I kept saying that Joshua went home and fell asleep, his phone was out of charge, and his van would be in the driveway…(each time I said this, Leisa said his van would not be there) when we arrived home, his van was not there. We drove around looking for his van at where we thought he might be. We called his friend Nathan who did not know where he was. He told me that Joshua gave a ride to two others and we called them, Byron answered and could not tell me, his mom took the phone and told me that Joshua was dead. At this point we were in our driveway and I simply screamed until I could not scream any longer.
We found out at 230am (while driving around looking for him) June 22 that Joshua was dead in a car accident, away from Leisa and others between 330am and dawn, I cried out to God, begged him to put Joshua back, and take me. I could not understand how a son who was protected by prayer, we anointed his van, prayed for his protection daily, How could this have happened? How could God allow this to happen.? HOW?
We attempted to go the accident scene and a mom of one of the friends was there, and stopped us from approaching his van. The next 3 days were a blur Leisa and I ministered to people who came to comfort us. I remember saying over and over that Joshua was dancing with Jesus. … God’s grip of grace enabled me to do this.
…for several months ….I was angry, furious with God, I did not let anyone know for a long time. I was upset that Leisa seemed ok, at peace, was smiling and laughing at times. There were too many times I was not very nice to my darling wife about this devastating loss. I envied her peace. My created obstacle…
John Hargrove Seeking Truth and Reality 