John Hargrove Seeking Truth and Reality
Texas engineer finding the signal of grace in grief, code, and Scripture
1984 was the year that I became a father
2002 was the year that my son left this world
the moments in between those two events were precious.
https://biblehub.com/psalms/10-14.htm
4But You have regarded trouble and grief; You see to repay it by Your hand. The victim entrusts himself to You; You are the helper of the fatherless
Today is a good day to have a good day
LUke 6:45
A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart,
Good stress I can eat like candy
Bad stress hurts my shoulders
I
Amazing sweet conversation today at Walmart with Rena. One of those rare moments where God was there.
June 21 2002 – My wife and were in a movie, late night, watching Minority report – a sub theme was the grieving father whose son died. The Father was not handling the loss of his son well. I remember saying to Leisa how difficult that would be to lose your child. During the movie, my wife Leisa grabbed my arm and said something is wrong with Joshua, I got my phone to call, I started to dial and then she said no – never mind he is ok, as I put my phone away – I saw the time – 12:50am. We finished the movie and started calling Joshua. He did not answer. Leisa would tell me later that Jesus let her know that Joshua was ok (and God told Leisa that Joshua was not here anymore), and she received immediate peace. I did not receive peace, at least not at the same rate as Leisa did. I kept saying that Joshua went home and fell asleep, his phone was out of charge, and his van would be in the driveway…(each time I said this, Leisa said his van would not be there) when we arrived home, his van was not there. We drove around looking for his van at where we thought he might be. We called his friend Nathan who did not know where he was. He told me that Joshua gave a ride to two others and we called them, Byron answered and could not tell me, his mom took the phone and told me that Joshua was dead. At this point we were in our driveway and I simply screamed until I could not scream any longer.
We found out at 230am (while driving around looking for him) June 22 that Joshua was dead in a car accident, away from Leisa and others between 330am and dawn, I cried out to God, begged him to put Joshua back, and take me. I could not understand how a son who was protected by prayer, we anointed his van, prayed for his protection daily, How could this have happened? How could God allow this to happen.? HOW?
We attempted to go the accident scene and a mom of one of the friends was there, and stopped us from approaching his van. The next 3 days were a blur Leisa and I ministered to people who came to comfort us. I remember saying over and over that Joshua was dancing with Jesus. … God’s grip of grace enabled me to do this.
…for several months ….I was angry, furious with God, I did not let anyone know for a long time. I was upset that Leisa seemed ok, at peace, was smiling and laughing at times. There were too many times I was not very nice to my darling wife about this devastating loss. I envied her peace. My created obstacle…
Some days are easy, some are not. June is sometimes a tough month. In Texas it is hot. It is also a month that in 2002 I wish never existed. Our son Joshua died in an automobile accident. 1249am 6/22/2002 my world I believed was ok—actually fantastic – great family—great work—nice income, then at 1250am it changed and I had no control over it.
In less than 30 hours our son went from being here on earth to us burying him. His grandmother had a burial policy that paid for his funeral. She had passed a month earlier. I hurt because Joshua was such a great person and I loved him so, I miss him so much.
I sure miss him
Headlines
Still true
June 21 2002, Life was good, Was doing well in all aspects. Success was everywhere.
50 minutes in June 22, and suddenly nothing was good any longer. nothing made sense anymore.
In one moment, everything focused on one thing, did I believe in a life or death way in eternal life based on Jesus Christ and his teachings. No time to prepare, think, consider, pray for strength, get ready … in one second I had to choose. I did not want to. Joshua was gone from where I was, where Leisa was. We could never ever talk, touch, guide, laugh, or cry with him again. All the plans we had to launch him into this life were rendered meaningless. I had said I was prepared, I found out I was not. I put on a brave face 80% of the time. I was a mess the rest, privately and was…
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A life stopped short
I met Joseph for the first time I recall in 2015 at a Bible study we hosted in our home in buna.
John Hargrove Seeking Truth and Reality 