John Hargrove Seeking Truth and Reality
Texas engineer finding the signal of grace in grief, code, and Scripture
1984 was the year that I became a father
2002 was the year that my son left this world
the moments in between those two events were precious.
https://biblehub.com/psalms/10-14.htm
4But You have regarded trouble and grief; You see to repay it by Your hand. The victim entrusts himself to You; You are the helper of the fatherless
1. Develop The Control of Your Self-Property:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love,joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:23-23
Being a pleaser is usually someone who is compliant on the outside and resentful on the inside and does not practice the spirit of self-control. Just like God doesn’t force anyone to change, you can’t force anyone to change either. However, you are in control of the property of you. As a protector of your heart and its’ treasures, you absolutely have the right to accept or not accept certain behavior on your emotional property. You can’t change anyone or force them to change, but you can maintain the boundaries of your self-property and let them know that their behavior is not acceptable with you.
2. Guard Your Heart.
Above all else, guard your heart, for from it flows the wellspring of life. –Proverbs 4:23
Although Jesus said that we should operate as a unified community, there are always separate properties in a community. When properties have fences, they are there to let the good in and keep the bad out. It is important to guard our well-being from intruders or clingers, but equally important to receive goodness, help and love by letting it in through opening the gate.
Jesus also says, “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” -Matthew 7:6. This means if you’re wisdom, advice and time are not appreciated and valued by someone, by all means stop wasting it because you will eventually be hurt and left broken.
3. Know the Difference Between A Boulder and a Load:
This is my favorite one. Carry each other’s burdens,” says Galatians 6:2, “and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” This verse shows our responsibility to one another. Verse 5 goes on to say, that “each one should carry his own load.” The greek words for “burden” and “load” gives us insight into how to apply this to setting Godly boundaries.The greek word for burden means, “excess burden” or burdens so heavy they weigh us down. This is when we are responsible to helping someone carry weight they can not carry on their own.
The greek word for “load” is “cargo” or burden of daily toil. These are the daily responsibilities that need to be carried out in order to function in life.In this scripture, Jesus is calling us to help people do what they can not do for themselves, because that is what he did for us. However, we are each responsible for doing what we are capable of doing.
A good deciphering rule of thumb is to ask yourself if you are being asked to do something they are not able to do or to do something they don’t want to doThere is danger in confusing helping someone with an excess burden and enabling a daily toil. Stepping in and not allowing someone to take responsibility for their self-property (self-control) takes away the natural opportunity to be empowered or sharpened in crisis.
4. Check Your MotivesIf you are driven to do something out of any motive other than pure love and to bring glory to God… don’t do it at all.
Many of us know that we are being taken advantage of, even by the sweetest, most well-meaning people. Yet, we continue to drive ourselves crazy, dropping everything in order to come to their aid. Why do we do this? Some of us fear that if we stop helping, we will no longer be needed or will cause conflict and therefore will be discarded.
Here is a remedy for a fear of rejection or disrupted peace:“Whatever town or village you enter, search there for some worthy person and stay at their house until you leave. As you enter the home, give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.” Matt 10:11-14.Jesus told his followers if a town rejects you, leave the town and shake the dust off your feet. He doesn’t tell them to stay and take abuse.Setting boundaries is not being mean, it’s having self-respect. You cannot effectively love if you do not sustain your mental, emotional and spiritual health. Be prepared that some people will not adapt to your new boundaries well, which is fine. If someone leaves you because of your boundaries, then that was not a healthy relationship in the first place and you need to let the “bad” out of your fence to make room for the good to come in.
Bible study questions, from Elisabeth
Our God is a Trinity. This means there are three persons in one God and not three Gods.The persons are known as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and they have all always existed as three distinct persons. The person of the Father is not the same person as the Son. The person of the Son is not the same person as the Holy Spirit. The person of the Holy Spirit is not the same person as the Father. If you take away any one, there is no God. God has always been a trinity from all eternity: “From everlasting to everlasting, You are God,” (Psalm 90:2).
What is a theological bible study?
Theology – The study of the nature of God and religious truth; rational inquiry into religious questions.
What is theology? Is it important in making any decisions of what you believe?
Why is knowing what you believe on the controversy issues important? Or are they?
What exactly do you need to know/ belief so you can find a church that you agree with their beliefs/ teaching?
Origin meaning morality destiny
Apologist Ravi Zacharias offers what he calls the 3-4-5 method of analyzing worldviews. I would like to share it with you because it will provide you a method with which to judge worldview options.
First, there are three tests that a worldview must pass. It must be:
1. logically consistent – Its teachings cannot be self-contradictory.
2. empirically adequate – Its teachings must match what we see in reality.
3. existentially relevant – Its teachings must speak directly to how we actually live our lives.
Second, each worldview must address the following fourultimate questions:
1. origin – Where do the universe and human beings come from?
2. meaning – What is the meaning or purpose of life?
3. morality – How do we know what is right and what is wrong?
4. destiny – What happens to us after we die?
Third, there are five academic disciplines that must be employed to study a worldview:
1. theology – the study of God
2. metaphysics – the study of what is ultimately real
3. epistemology – the study of how we can know things
4. ethics – the study of moral right and wrong
5. anthropology – the study of what and who humans are
Why do I believe that the worldview of biblical Christianity is the best choice? Its teachings are logically consistent, they accurately describe reality as it is, and they speak directly to the human condition.
In addition, Christianity provides compelling and powerful answers to the questions of origin, meaning, morality, and destiny.
Finally, the theology, metaphysics, epistemology, ethics, and anthropology of the Christian worldview are expansively rich and deeply profound – unsurpassed by any other worldview.
If you are a Christian and you haven’t analyzed Christianity using the 3-4-5 method, you are truly missing out. Read, and read some more. Dig into your faith, as it provides comprehensive answers to life’s most important questions.
If you are not a Christian, I plead with you to open your heart and mind, and study the Christian worldview. Apply the 3-4-5 method described above, but never forget that Christian doctrine always revolves around a person, Jesus Christ. He is the embodiment of our faith, and it is to him that we look.
June 21 2002, Life was good, Was doing well in all aspects. Success was everywhere.
50 minutes in June 22, and suddenly nothing was good any longer. nothing made sense anymore.
In one moment, everything focused on one thing, did I believe in a life or death way in eternal life based on Jesus Christ and his teachings. No time to prepare, think, consider, pray for strength, get ready … in one second I had to choose. I did not want to. Joshua was gone from where I was, where Leisa was. We could never ever talk, touch, guide, laugh, or cry with him again. All the plans we had to launch him into this life were rendered meaningless. I had said I was prepared, I found out I was not. I put on a brave face 80% of the time. I was a mess the rest, privately and was totally not there to help my wife grieve. The pain was beyond what I could imagine. Our plans to play with the grand kids in the back yard were now just a knife in our heart, grand children no longer possible.
Rewind 6 weeks or so, My mother in law passed from this life after years of health decline due to heart disease. She planned her funeral service with her daughters. A week prior to her death – she visited with the grand kids, laughed with them. We all knew this was goodbye, we hugged her. Her daughters and husband spent the next 5 days helping her pass. She died in her sleep on the 5th morning. We grieved and it hurt, but there was a peace. You expect 60+ people to probably die before you do at age 40 something.
2013 – my dad broke a hip at age 84, he slowly passed from this life over the next 60 days. There was a peace in his passing. We grieved but there was the expectation that parents go first. Looking back he had started passing about a year or so earlier, you could see his loss of interest in this life.
My wife’s friend’s mother passed recently, the funeral is today. Her friend is the last of her nuclear family, dad, then sister, and now mom are gone. She knew it was close for her mom, but it hurts and knowing you are the last of your little family is a different kind of hurt. We are praying for her and will go see her in a few days when she returns from out of state.
In times like these, words fail. Some things you need to say, just seems appropriate. But they fail. Nothing can stop the pain of loss. Time attenuates it. It stops being a knife 24×7 in your heart. The tears stop pouring most days.
Timeline
230am June 22 2002 when I found out that Joshua was dead to June 24 end of day. We had visitation June 22 at 5pm, we viewed privately Joshua’s body in the casket at noon – less than 12 hours after his death. His maternal grandparents had a burial policy that paid for his funeral…strange benefit…His grammy took care of Joshua even in death. I recall one of his friends standing at his casket weeping holding a teddy bear he gave her for what seemed to be a long time. We hugged her. I recall a cousin screaming on seeing him in the casket. Leisa and I cried and hugged everyone who came. I told them Joshua was ok. I knew he was with Jesus, and my heart was screaming and bleeding emotionally.
Afternoon of June 24, funeral service, I spoke through tears, I held onto Leisa, we watched the casket lower into the ground. We then spent the next 4 weeks choosing headstones. We picked a set and placed a poem on them that Joshua had written.
We stopped visiting the gravesite about 5 years later. He is not there. It still hurts, but the pain is attenuated and there is a peace that passes understanding. I know God has him and grammy and my dad. I trust that Jesus did what he said he does. Eternal life with him is the promise.
One of the survivors of the accident that killed Joshua and the other driver, a young man who was a youth group friend of Joshua’s and our friend the past many years. His life was a challenge, he was a bright light but had darkness, He believed in Jesus, but suffered emotional pain from a absent dad that he never reconciled with with. Once his mom passed from an illness he only made it two years and he simply died (my opinion) from the pain in his emotional heart, he gave up. It was sudden and we miss him too. I know he is being taken care of by God. Of that I have no doubt.
Passing is hard to navigate
Be thankful if you are simply navigating life and some small stuff. The passing to eternity is hard for those who remain behind to continue navigating this life.
That summer of 2002, I found my life scripture, 2 Cor 5:7 Walk by Faith not by Sight.
A poem, the one on the back of his headstone
We are one and the same, you and I,
And though death may take us we will never die,
For I’m only a soul, like yourself,
Just another book on the shelf.
And though losses I will have, I am surely certain,
That on life’s stage, beyond the curtain,
My destiny will be found with great discernity,
For what we do in life echoes in eternity.
– Joshua’s epitaph –
The final two stanzas of Who I Am, subtitled “Alive in Christ,” are inscibed on his headstone at Magnolia Springs Cemetery near Kirbyville, TX
Four questions everyone has
Origin meaning morality destiny
Apologist Ravi Zacharias offers what he calls the 3-4-5 method of analyzing worldviews. I would like to share it with you because it will provide you a method with which to judge worldview options.
First, there are three tests that a worldview must pass. It must be:
1. logically consistent – Its teachings cannot be self-contradictory.
2. empirically adequate – Its teachings must match what we see in reality.
3. existentially relevant – Its teachings must speak directly to how we actually live our lives.
Second, each worldview must address the following fourultimate questions:
1. origin – Where do the universe and human beings come from?
2. meaning – What is the meaning or purpose of life?
3. morality – How do we know what is right and what is wrong?
4. destiny – What happens to us after we die?
Third, there are five academic disciplines that must be employed to study a worldview:
1. theology – the study of God
2. metaphysics – the study of what is ultimately real
3. epistemology – the study of how we can know things
4. ethics – the study of moral right and wrong
5. anthropology – the study of what and who humans are
Why do I believe that the worldview of biblical Christianity is the best choice? Its teachings are logically consistent, they accurately describe reality as it is, and they speak directly to the human condition.
In addition, Christianity provides compelling and powerful answers to the questions of origin, meaning, morality, and destiny.
Finally, the theology, metaphysics, epistemology, ethics, and anthropology of the Christian worldview are expansively rich and deeply profound – unsurpassed by any other worldview.
If you are a Christian and you haven’t analyzed Christianity using the 3-4-5 method, you are truly missing out. Read, and read some more. Dig into your faith, as it provides comprehensive answers to life’s most important questions.
If you are not a Christian, I plead with you to open your heart and mind, and study the Christian worldview. Apply the 3-4-5 method described above, but never forget that Christian doctrine always revolves around a person, Jesus Christ. He is the embodiment of our faith, and it is to him that we look.
John Hargrove Seeking Truth and Reality 