As the year closes, I am not counting accomplishments or failures. I am paying attention to what remained. What endured when plans changed, when strength ran thin, when answers did not arrive on time.
This year asked more than I expected. It required steadiness when clarity was limited and faithfulness when results were slow. I learned again that life rarely moves by clean chapters. Most days are written in pencil, not ink, and grace shows up quietly rather than dramatically.
On this New Year’s Eve, I am reminded that Jesus did not promise ease, but presence. He did not offer certainty, but direction. He did not remove the valley, but He walked into it with us. That has been enough. It is still enough.
As midnight approaches, I release what I cannot carry forward. Regret. Fear. The need to control outcomes. I step into the coming year with trust instead of urgency, obedience instead of noise, and hope rooted deeper than circumstances.
Tomorrow will not be a reset. It will be a continuation. Another day to show up, to serve, to love well, and to walk faithfully with the One who holds time itself.
I enter the new year not demanding answers, but willing to listen.
There is a quiet detail in the opening chapters of the Gospel of John that has stayed with me.
At the wedding in Cana, nothing dramatic is asked of the servants. Jesus does not tell them to pray harder, believe louder, or understand more deeply. He gives a simple instruction:
“Fill the jars with water.”
That is it.
The miracle does not begin with wine. It begins with obedience that looks ordinary.
Naming What Has Run Out
Mary does something equally simple before that moment. She names the shortage:
“They have no more wine.”
She does not fix it.
She does not explain it.
She does not manage the outcome.
She places the lack before Jesus and steps back.
That pattern matters.
My Concrete Step
Here is the one step I am choosing to take in response to this passage:
I will name what has run out in me and place it before Jesus without trying to solve it.
Practically, this looks like this:
I sit alone, quietly, with no agenda.
I write one sentence:
“Lord, I have no more ______.”
I do not explain the blank.
I do not justify it.
I do not turn it into a prayer list or a plan.
Then I stop.
I pray one short sentence:
“I place this in Your hands. I will do whatever You tell me next.”
And I leave it there.
No fixing.
No rushing.
No forcing clarity.
Why This Matters
This step resists my instinct to manage outcomes, optimize solutions, or turn faith into a project. It places me where the servants stood—faithful, available, and unremarkable.
The servants did not make wine.
They carried water.
The transformation was Jesus’ work, not theirs.
What I Am Watching For
I am not watching for a dramatic answer.
I am watching for a quiet instruction.
Something small.
Something ordinary.
Something that feels almost too simple to matter.
That will likely be my “fill the jars with water” moment.
A Closing Reflection
I am not responsible for producing abundance.
I am responsible for obedience.
When I do what I am told—without knowing the outcome—I make room for God to reveal His glory in ways I could not manufacture.
The song is often mistaken for being about despair, but it is really about endurance. It does not deny sadness. It names it, sits with it, and keeps going anyway. The blues are not a failure in the song; they are a season that must be lived through.
That feels familiar.
Much of my life has not been marked by sudden drama, but by long stretches of responsibility, waiting, and quiet persistence. There have been losses that did not resolve cleanly, burdens that stayed longer than expected, and seasons where progress felt slow and invisible. Like the song, time has often moved at a crawl, especially when love, calling, and stewardship were involved.
What stands out to me now is the song’s patience. The voice is steady, not frantic. It assumes that what matters is worth waiting for. That posture mirrors how I have lived more than I realized at the time. I kept showing up. I kept building, serving, caring, and honoring commitments even when the payoff was delayed or uncertain. I did not always feel strong, but I stayed faithful.
The song also understands that sorrow does not have to define a person. The blues are real, but they are not permanent. They are something you experience, not something you become. My own grief and disappointment have shaped me, but they have not claimed my identity. Instead, they have sharpened my empathy, clarified my priorities, and deepened my understanding of what truly lasts.
If my life has a soundtrack in this season, it is not one of resignation. It is one of resolve. I have learned how to hold the note through the ache without becoming bitter. I have learned that endurance itself carries meaning, even when answers come slowly.
That is why the comparison fits. Not because I have known sorrow, but because I have learned how to live faithfully while it passes.
Joy does not always come with energy or clarity. Some days it arrives quietly, alongside responsibility, fatigue, and the steady work of finishing what needs to be done. This season has been full of ordinary faithfulness—showing up, carrying what was assigned, and trusting that God is still present even when progress feels slow. I am learning that joy is not the absence of weight, but the assurance that we are not carrying it alone. That is enough for today.
You wake up carrying yesterday with you. Some memories refuse to loosen their grip. Loss. Regret. Questions that never quite resolve. You learn early that life does not hand out clean endings, only long roads and unfinished conversations. Still, you get up. Not because it’s easy, but because something inside you says you must.
You do your work quietly. You try to do it right. You learn that integrity costs more than compromise, but you pay it anyway. You discover that justice, truth, and love are rarely loud. Most of the time, they show up as persistence—showing up again when walking away would be simpler.
There are nights when the weight presses down hard. You replay moments you wish you could change. You hear echoes of people you loved and lost. You wonder whether holding on is strength or stubbornness. And yet, letting go feels like erasing part of who you are.
So you keep walking. Not because you have all the answers, but because you believe life has meaning even when it’s cracked. Somewhere along the way, you realize you are not carrying everything alone. There is a quiet presence beside you—steady, patient, faithful—bearing the heavier part of the load. The kind of presence that doesn’t rush you, doesn’t condemn you, and doesn’t leave when things get dark.
You learn that redemption is not sudden. It’s slow. It’s daily. It’s choosing truth over comfort, mercy over bitterness, and hope over despair. It’s discovering that love can meet you in broken places and still call you forward.
In the end, life is not about forgetting what shaped you. It’s about letting it refine you. You don’t let go of what matters. You carry it—transformed—into something truer.
Note on the spiritual undertones in “Can’t Let Go”
Beneath its noir tone, the song carries quiet traces of spirituality. The repeated tension between holding on and releasing mirrors a deeply human struggle found throughout Scripture—the desire to control the past versus the invitation to trust something greater than ourselves. “Can’t let go” is not just emotional attachment; it sounds like the soul wrestling with surrender.
There is an unspoken confession in the lyrics: acknowledgment of brokenness without denial, longing without easy resolution. That honesty echoes the psalms of lament, where faith is not polished but real. The song never preaches, yet it gestures toward the idea that healing does not come from erasing pain, but from being carried through it.
What makes the spirituality subtle—but powerful—is that the answer is not self-mastery. The weight feels too heavy to bear alone. That quiet recognition opens the door to grace. In Christian language, it resembles the moment before surrender, when the heart realizes it cannot save itself and must be held.
In that sense, Can’t Let Go becomes a prayer without religious language—a reminder that even in shadowed places, the struggle itself can be sacred, and that letting go is often less about loss and more about learning who is truly strong enough to hold us.
Today we celebrate Robert E. Hargrove—a man who showed us that the greatest gifts aren’t found in stores, but on the banks of the Neches River.
Dad gave us something precious: a love of the outdoors and the simple joys of being together. Camp Hargrove was his classroom, and we were his eager students. We learned patience waiting for the channel cats and blue cats to bite. We felt the thrill when the ops latched onto the trotline bait and swam into view as we pulled the line from the depths. We waded through sandbars, filled minnow jars with bait, seined the shallows, and floated lazy afternoons in inner tubes, letting the river carry us.
We remember the ritual of it all—Dad pumping water from the river, later from the well he drilled with his own hands. The smell of bacon and scrambled eggs sizzling in cast iron. Biscuits that tasted like only the camp did. Coffee brewed strong in that old pot, grounds settling at the bottom, sipped slowly by the campfire as fog drifted across the water at dawn. The soft sounds of the river greeting us awake.
And every Fourth of July, Dad’s fishing became a gift to us all—fish fries for the extended family, gathered together, fed by what his hands and the river had provided.
In those moments—before the day rushed in, surrounded by sons, nephews, and grandchildren—Dad was teaching us how to live. How to slow down. How to appreciate what matters. How to pass love down through generations.
Those riverside mornings and summer days shaped who we became. Dad’s love for nature, his steady presence, his generosity of spirit—these are the catches we keep forever.
Happy Birthday, Dad. We’re still there by the river with you. 🐟🏕️💙
December 5, 1927 – September 6, 2013
ON THIS DAY
8 years ago
Glen Richbourg is feeling blessed with L.v. Hargrove and 2 others. wrote in 2013
Uncle Bob taught me the difference between a blue cat, channel cat and a mud cat. He could scull all the way around Mud Lake and not make a single splash. Made the best camp breakfasts ever and I’ve never had even a Starbucks that could match his river water coffee. Some of the best memories of my life were out in the Neches River bottom being a kid with the Hargrove boys and Uncle Bob. I learned life lessons from him about respecting the land, nature and fellow human beings that l’ve carried my entire life. He also raised the three best men you’ll ever meet. I will forever miss him.
Over the past several weeks, I’ve noticed a pattern rising in my heart—a mix of heaviness and hope, grief and gratitude, pressure and purpose. The holiday season always magnifies what is present in the soul, and this year is no different. I find myself remembering the people who shaped me, the stories that anchor me, and the losses that still echo in quiet moments.
At the same time, my days are full of responsibilities—engineering projects, community work, pastoral care, business decisions, family needs. I feel the pull from every direction, not because any of it is unworthy, but because all of it matters. Leadership in any form carries an invisible weight. And sometimes that weight presses harder in November and December.
Yet beneath all of this, something steady keeps tugging me forward: hope.
Not the thin kind that ignores reality or paints over pain. But the kind that believes God is present even in the unanswered questions. The kind that remembers that Jesus steps into weary places, not polished ones. The kind that says, “You don’t have to carry this alone.”
As I look back at conversations, projects, and prayers from the last week, I see the same thread weaving through everything: healing. Healing for myself. Healing for others. Healing for the places in our community that feel stretched or wounded. Healing for the dreams that feel fragile but not extinguished.
And the truth is, hope and healing aren’t found by escaping life—they grow right in the middle of it.
Every memory that stings reminds me there was love. Every responsibility that feels heavy reminds me there is purpose. Every moment of fatigue reminds me I need grace beyond myself.
And grace keeps showing up.
So I’m choosing to keep walking—one step at a time, one day at a time—trusting that the God who has carried me this far will carry me further still. My prayer is simple:
“Lord, meet me here. Make something good out of the weight I’m carrying. Let Your light break through.”
Because even in the heaviness, hope is rising. #HopeInTheJourney #JesusHeals #GraceInRealLife
For Joshua Blake Hargrove from John Hagrove his dad June 2025 1984–2002
My son,
If I could sit across from you today—twenty-three years after you left this world—I would begin with the words that still rise unbidden in my heart: I miss you. Every day. Not with the same sharp ache as before, but with a quiet, steady presence that stays with me like breath. You are never far from my thoughts, never absent from my soul.
I would tell you honestly: a piece of me went quiet the day you died—and another part went angry. I wasn’t just broken. I was furious. Angry at the unfairness, the helplessness, the fact that the world kept spinning without you in it. I didn’t know how to carry the weight of that kind of grief, so I buried it. I buried the part of me that laughed freely, dreamed boldly, and felt things too deeply.
And in its place, I went to work. I built things. I solved problems. I became dependable and productive. But underneath it all, I was still just a father who had lost his son. The music stopped. The prayers faded. I kept going because I didn’t know how to stop—but I also didn’t know how to live fully anymore.
If I could tell you anything now, it would be this: Your death didn’t end me—but it did remake me. And over time, with grace and patience, something inside me began to stir again.
I would tell you that God didn’t abandon me. He held me through it all, though I didn’t always recognize His presence. And in the years that followed, a few key people—some family, some unexpected friends—entered my life and helped awaken parts of me I thought were gone forever. None of them replaced you. They couldn’t. But somehow, through their kindness, gentleness, and love, I began to feel again. I began to believe that I could be fully alive, even while still carrying your absence. I hold those relationships with reverence. They brought back to life the part of me that knows how to love without fear.
I would tell you about your mama. She’s still the strongest woman I’ve ever known. Her grief was quiet, but it ran deep. We’ve grown older together, and we still speak your name. Sometimes in words, sometimes in silence. You are still part of our home, our hearts, our story.
I’d tell you about the little ones in our family—your cousins’ children, great-nieces and nephews you never got to meet. I watch them play, laugh, stumble and grow, and I see glimpses of you. Their lives are full of light, and I imagine the kind of uncle you would have been—funny, kind, full of mischief and wisdom. Your absence in those moments is a presence all its own.
I’d tell you that I’ve come to believe in resurrection—not just of bodies, but of broken hearts, of joy, of purpose. I’ve come to believe that the deepest love isn’t erased by death. It changes form, but it remains. And I carry you as part of that resurrection. You are part of what brought me back to life.
Most of all, I would tell you that you are still my son. Nothing—not time, not distance, not death—can ever take that from us. You made me a father. You taught me the kind of love that doesn’t fade. And though I never got to watch you grow old, you’ve shaped the man I’ve become more than anyone else ever could.
If I could hold your face in my hands one more time, I would say what I still say in the silence of prayer:
You are my boy. I love you. And I will carry you until the day I see you again.
With all I am, Dad
And I would tell you—humbly—that someone came into my life many years later who helped awaken something that had gone dormant inside me. That I could still feel. Maybe I was allowed to be fully alive again. I hold that chapter of my life with reverence. As strange and sacred as it was, it brought something back to me I thought was lost forever: the part of me that knows how to love without fear.
Here lies John E. Hargrove January 24, 1958 – [date yet to be written]
A boy from Buna who never stopped wondering how things worked and never stopped trying to make them work for others.
He chased signals across microwave towers and fiber miles, built networks that carried light to forgotten places, and in the darkest valleys carried the light of Christ to broken hearts.
Husband to Leisa for a lifetime and beyond, father to Joshua—whose brief life taught him how to love forever, son of Robert and Lavee, brother, friend, mentor, builder.
He knew grief intimately, yet chose every morning to show up, to do the quiet work that lasts when applause has long faded.
He was not perfect. He was faithful.
Still learning. Still building. Still becoming. Now, at last, fully known and fully home.
Some days I’m reminded to go back to the starting point. “In the beginning was the Word…” That truth centers me. It reminds me that everything we’re doing—family, work, community—rests on something solid and steady.
The scriptures in the RCL today lean into that same hope.
Daniel talks about God standing with His people even in hard seasons. Psalm 16 says our security isn’t in what we build, but in the One who holds us. Hebrews encourages us to keep lifting each other up. And in Mark, Jesus tells us not to get lost in the noise or fear when the world feels shaky.
Then He brings it all home: “I came that they may have life, and have it more abundantly.”
That’s the thread that runs through it all. A reminder that real life—steady, grounded, meaningful—comes from the One who speaks light into dark places and hope into tired hearts.
So if you’re carrying a lot today, take a breath. The One who was there in the beginning is still speaking life now. We can walk forward with that.
John Hargrove Seeking Truth and Reality 