Trying, Not Trying, and Trusting

Trying, Not Trying, and Trusting

1. Trying in Self-Effort

Like rowing a boat against the current with no oars. You exhaust yourself, but never make it upstream. (Ecclesiastes 1:14; John 15:5)

2. Not Trying at All

Like leaving a field unplowed. The soil hardens, weeds take over, and no harvest comes. (Proverbs 24:30–34; James 2:17)

3. Trying with God’s Grace

Like sailing with the wind in your sails. You still hoist the sail and steer, but the power comes from beyond you. (Philippians 2:12–13; 1 Corinthians 15:10)

4. Resting in God’s Work

Like a child asleep in a father’s arms. Safety is not earned — it is received. (Matthew 11:28–30; Hebrews 4:10)

A Word of Hope

God sees your trying. He knows the weariness of effort. The good news: you don’t have to keep rowing alone. His Spirit is the wind that fills your sails.

“Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles.” (Isaiah 40:31)

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Your trying becomes fruitful when it shifts from self-striving to Spirit-led perseverance. God does not despise the struggle — He steps into it and makes it life-giving.

Technology – AI and Neuralink in Light of Biblical and Historical Shifts

Throughout history, humanity has faced turning points where new knowledge and technology reshaped daily life, relationships, and even faith practice. Artificial Intelligence and Neuralink are modern examples, but the Bible and church history give us analogies that help us discern wisely.

  • Tower of Babel (Genesis 11): Like humanity’s leap in building with brick and stone, AI and Neuralink reveal both creativity and the temptation to exalt ourselves beyond God’s limits.
  • The Printing Press: Gutenberg’s invention put Scripture into the hands of ordinary people. Today’s digital tools could just as radically change how truth and ideas spread—for good or ill.
  • Greek Language and Roman Roads: The infrastructure of the first century helped the gospel spread. Likewise, new tech could accelerate communication and community, if directed toward God’s mission.
  • Writing and Literacy in Israel’s Story: God’s law written on stone tablets shifted culture from oral tradition to written word. Neuralink’s potential to “write directly on the brain” reminds us that what God writes on the heart remains primary (Jeremiah 31:33).
  • The Industrial Revolution: Machines reshaped labor, family, and economy. AI threatens similar upheaval to work, identity, and human dignity.
  • Medical Advances: From vaccines to transplants, technology has extended life and restored health. Neuralink’s promises to heal neurological diseases echo this hope—yet mortality and eternal hope in Christ remain unchanged.

These analogies remind us: technology is neither savior nor enemy by itself. It magnifies what is in the human heart. When placed under God’s sovereignty, it can serve His mission. When pursued for pride or control, it becomes Babel again.

Glossary of Terms

  • AI (Artificial Intelligence): Computer systems designed to perform tasks that normally require human intelligence—such as learning, reasoning, problem-solving, or generating language and images.
  • Neuralink: A company developing brain–computer interface technology, designed to connect human brains directly with computers to restore lost functions (such as movement in paralysis) or enhance abilities.
  • Tower of Babel (Genesis 11): A biblical story where humanity sought to build a tower “to the heavens,” symbolizing human pride and unity apart from God. God scattered them by confusing their languages.
  • Printing Press: A 15th-century invention by Johannes Gutenberg that allowed mass production of books. It transformed education, culture, and especially the spread of the Bible.
  • Greek Language and Roman Roads: In the New Testament era, the common Greek language and Roman road system provided a foundation for the gospel to spread quickly across the empire.
  • Writing on Stone Tablets: God’s giving of the Ten Commandments to Moses (Exodus 31:18), marking a shift from oral tradition to written law.
  • Industrial Revolution: The period (18th–19th centuries) when machines transformed work, family life, and society, creating both opportunity and disruption.
  • Medical Advances: Discoveries such as vaccines, anesthesia, antibiotics, and organ transplants that reshaped human health and longevity.
  • Orthodoxy (Theological): The “right belief” or faithful teaching of the Christian church across history, especially centered on the person and work of Christ.
  • Idolatry: Worshiping or depending on something created (technology, wealth, power) rather than God.
  • Stewardship: The biblical principle of wisely managing resources, abilities, and creation as gifts from God, not possessions of our own.

Restart with God’s Grace

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” – Lamentations 3:22–23

“If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

Each day is a chance to begin again. God’s grace does not run out—it meets us fresh every morning. Whatever yesterday held—failure, fear, or frustration—today we are invited to restart with Him. In Christ, the old is gone. The new is here.

Prayer:

Lord, thank You for Your mercy that gives me a new beginning each day. Help me walk today as Your new creation. Amen.

What I’ve Learned so Far About Life

Life ain’t a straight line. It’s not fair, it’s not simple, and it sure doesn’t wait on you to get your act together.

I’ve learned life will knock you flat more times than you think is reasonable, and just when you think you’re done, it hands you something beautiful.

People come and go. Some stay. Some wreck you. Some save you without ever knowing it. And sometimes, it’s the same person doing all three.

What matters is showing up—being real, and not pretending you’ve got it figured out.

About God

God’s not the preacher in the pulpit telling you to try harder.

God’s been in the silence. In the tears. In the porch swing moments. In the second chances.

I used to think God just wanted me to serve and obey. Now I know He wants me whole, free, and home.

I’ve learned God doesn’t waste anything—not even the pain, not even the years I thought were lost.

About Me

I’m not bulletproof, but I’ve taken a lot of hits and I’m still standing.

I’ve carried too much for too long. I’ve hid behind work and projects because it was easier than feeling what was real.

But I’ve also learned I’ve got more heart than I gave myself credit for. I’ve learned I can sit in the hard stuff. I can love people who are hard to love. I can still believe in better days.

About Grief

Grief is a ghost with a key to the front door.

You can’t outrun it, and you can’t outwork it. It waits. It teaches.

I buried my grief so deep I didn’t even realize it was shaping me.

But now I see—grief isn’t weakness. It’s proof that I loved someone more than life itself.

And now, I carry that love forward. Not as a wound—but as a fire.

About Living

Living isn’t just getting through the day.

It’s paying attention. It’s listening to the quiet voice that says, “Don’t miss this.”

It’s letting someone in, even when you’re scared they’ll leave.

Living is remembering that I still have breath—and that means I still have purpose.

About Hope

Hope isn’t loud. It doesn’t kick the door down.

It whispers. It sits with you. It says, “Try again.”

I’ve had every reason to quit—and yet, I don’t.

That’s hope. That’s grace.

I’ve learned hope comes in strange forms—a text, a glance, a moment when the world slows down and something just feels right.

Hope is still choosing to build. Still choosing to believe.

And if I’m honest, sometimes the person who changed me didn’t preach, didn’t fix, didn’t even try.

Just listened. Just stayed. Just saw me.

And something in me started to shift.

Maybe that’s what God does, too. Just shows up—and stays.

And for the first time in a long time…

That’s enough.

I’ve been asking myself lately why I’ve done all of this.

I’ve been asking myself lately why I’ve done all of this.
Why, in 1989, I sat in the yard with a notebook computer, working while my son played nearby — but not really paying attention to him. Why I’ve poured 65 to 80 hours a week into work, every week, from college right up to now at age 67 — through Evergreen, ministry, and community service.

I can see the pattern stretching back decades.
In college, I juggled studying and part-time jobs because I thought that’s what it took to make something of myself. In 1993, I turned down a safe regional manager’s job because I wanted the freedom to build my own thing. I consulted for 26 years, worked in co-ops for 5, then left under a cloud. I started consulting again, built a WISP to $55K a month and 730 customers in two years, only to be dismissed by the majority owner for lack of fealty. Ninety days later, I started Evergreen — and I’ve been slogging ever since.

Somewhere along the way, I built my life around the belief that it was my job to build, to fix, to carry. That I should never settle for “good enough.” That if something needed to be done, I should be the one to do it — even if it meant giving up comfort, time, or relationships.

I’ve lost everything more than once, in cycles of 8 to 10 years. I’ve rebuilt more than once. And in between, I’ve driven myself with an intensity most people don’t understand — and maybe I don’t fully understand either.

If I’m honest, I think I’ve been chasing significance more than success. Trying to prove that what I build matters. That I matter. That I’m the kind of man who doesn’t walk away when things get hard, no matter how long it takes.

But lately I find myself wondering…
Can grace win over the cynicism I’ve picked up along the way?
Can purpose rise again from all the pain and loss?
Can light reframe what I’ve lost — and maybe even redeem it?

I don’t have those answers yet. But I know I’m still here, still building, still hoping. And maybe that’s where the next chapter starts.

A Sunday in Buna – Work, Worship, and a Few Omelets

8-10-2025 Today started at 6:15 AM.
Printed Lessons 5 and 6 of Great Characters for FMC Buna, prayed for those on my heart, and prepared Lesson 3 on Moses for Sunday School.

Before church, I listened to Dr. Richard Lindzen’s Climate “Science” interview (EP 320) — always good to stretch my mind before the day gets busy.

At FMC Buna, I prepped the Bluetooth podium mics, recorded the sermon, and uploaded it to YouTube straight from my iPhone.

Came home, made omelets, watched The Lincoln Lawyer, and took a nap. The afternoon went into updating ancestry databases, working on my memoirs, and adding details to Frances’s biography. Also reached out for more stories, checked in on Victoria’s birthday wishes, and wrapped up with a Walmart order.

Not a bad Sunday — a little ministry, a little tech, a little history, and a little rest.

When My Heart is Heavy — Meeting God in Grief

Grief is one of the most human experiences we share—and one of the most misunderstood. We often think of it as something we must “get over” or “move past,” but the truth is, grief is love with nowhere to go. When someone or something dear to us is gone, the ache we feel is the proof of our deep connection.

God does not stand far away, waiting for us to get ourselves together. He meets us right in the middle of our heartbreak. Scripture shows us that He sees our tears, walks with us in our valleys, and promises joy will come again.

I invite you to reflect on these truths. Take them slowly. Let them settle in your heart like gentle rain on dry ground.

God Sees My Tears

Scripture: “You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?” (Psalm 56:8, BSB)

God’s attention to our pain is deeply personal. He doesn’t just notice our tears—He collects them, treasures them, and remembers them. Each tear carries the story of our love, our loss, and our longing.

Lessons from Ancient Paths: Community, Faith, and Service

Today, my thoughts have been circling around the idea of showing up—how simple, steadfast presence shapes families, communities, and even the course of history.

Learning from the Great Characters

Recently, I’ve committed to a “great characters” study of Old Testament figures. Spending time with the lives of Abraham, Joseph, Moses, Ruth, and others, I’m struck by how their faith was not just expressed in the grand moments but in daily acts of trust and service. Abraham set out not knowing where he was going, Joseph forgave and provided for his brothers, Ruth gleaned faithfully in the fields, Moses endured years in the wilderness with a people often hard to love. In each story, faithfulness showed itself most in the willingness to simply show up—again and again—where God placed them.

The Early Church: Community in Action

This thread carries into the New Testament, especially in the story of the early church. Acts describes a group of ordinary people who devoted themselves to teaching, fellowship, breaking bread, and prayer. They pooled resources, cared for the poor, and made space for each other’s burdens. It wasn’t just the big, headline moments that defined them—it was the habit of gathering, praying, sharing needs, and finding creative ways to serve. The essence of their life together was being present for one another.

Buna: Where the Old Lessons Still Matter

What amazes me is how much those ancient practices still matter, even in a small community like Buna. Our challenges may look different than those in scripture, but the calling is much the same: show up for your neighbor, be generous with your time, share a meal, lend a listening ear, and offer practical help where you can. Whether it’s fixing a phone system for the EMS, planning a library program, or checking on a friend who’s had a hard week—these are the acts that bind a community together.

Faith, Partnership, and Small Steps

If there’s a lesson I keep learning, it’s that real progress—spiritual or practical—comes from faithful presence and partnership. Nobody does it alone. Sometimes, the work is slow, and not everyone pulls in the same direction, but day by day, small steps add up. This is as true in ministry as it is in building out broadband, running a business, or serving on a community board.

A Prayer for Today

As I look ahead, I’m praying for wisdom to keep showing up where I’m needed, patience to keep working even when the results are slow, and gratitude for the people God has placed alongside me on this journey.

To anyone reading: Don’t underestimate the power of being present. Whether you’re called to something big or small, your willingness to show up—consistently, quietly, faithfully—matters more than you know.

Here’s to carrying forward the lessons of ancient paths, right here in the heart of Buna.

— John

“If I Could Call Back, I Would. But Now I Build.”

There are days I still wish there was a payphone at the edge of time.

A place I could drop in a coin and reach back—

to tell Joshua I love him one more time.

To warn myself.

To freeze the moment before everything fell apart.

But there’s no going back.

Only through.

And so I do whatever it takes.

Not because I’m fearless,

but because I’ve been through fire

and I refuse to come out without purpose.

Some people think I’m just resilient—

but this journey didn’t start in grit.

It started in design.

In my bones, I’m a man who values good engineering.

I spent years learning how to plan and build around whatever came up—

terrain, weather, variables.

You adapt. You solve. You make it work.

But then death showed up.

The kind of break an engineer can’t fix.

There was no schematic for that.

No redundant system to reroute the pain.

And in that devastation, I had to make a choice.

I couldn’t bring him back.

But I could build forward.

So I made a vow:

I would try four times as hard.

To build something that mattered.

To create something rooted in meaning.

To serve, to love, to live—and never quit.

“If happy ever afters did exist…”

That lyric used to hit hard. Still does, some days.

But I’ve learned that even without fairy tales,

you can still write a redemptive story.

I’ve learned to live in the liminal space.

The not-yet.

The maybe-so.

The just-for-today.

Truth is, I don’t always know if the work I’m doing

will bear the fruit I hope for.

But I know what I can’t do—

I can’t give in.

I can’t numb out.

I can’t walk away from the promise I made in silence.

If there’s no payphone to the past,

then I will build with open hands and fire in my chest.

Not with certainty. But with conviction.

Because Joshua deserves a father

who did whatever it took.

And because God is still writing—

even in the silence.

Abraham Rescues Lot – A Reconstructed Storyline (Genesis 14:1–16)

Setting the Stage:

Lot, Abraham’s nephew, had chosen to settle near Sodom, a fertile but morally corrupt region in the Jordan Valley (Genesis 13:10–13). In Genesis 14, a coalition of four eastern kings from Mesopotamia and Elam—led by Chedorlaomer, king of Elam—invades Canaan to subdue rebellious city-states, including Sodom and Gomorrah.

These kings likely traveled along the King’s Highway, a major trade route, and imposed control over local economies. When the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah rebelled after twelve years of paying tribute, Chedorlaomer’s forces returned to crush the rebellion.

The Conflict Begins (Genesis 14:1–12)

The invading coalition swiftly defeats several peoples across Canaan, including the Rephaim, Zuzim, and Emim, who were known as fierce warriors. Finally, they confront the southern kings of Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah, Zeboiim, and Bela in the Valley of Siddim (possibly near the southern end of the Dead Sea).

The defenders are routed. Many fall into tar pits; the rest flee to the mountains. Lot is captured, along with his household and possessions. He is taken northward—likely en route back to Mesopotamia—as part of the spoils.

Abram’s Response (Genesis 14:13–16)

A survivor escapes and informs Abram the Hebrew, who is living near Mamre the Amorite at Hebron. Abram quickly mobilizes a private fighting force of 318 trained men, born in his household. This is astonishing—these are not conscripts but likely skilled retainers, trained in self-defense, caravan protection, and possibly past tribal skirmishes. Abram also forms a military alliance with Aner, Eshcol, and Mamre, his Amorite neighbors.

Abram divides his forces at night—possibly staging an ambush from multiple directions. The tactic reflects ancient Near Eastern warfare: using darkness and surprise to disrupt larger armies.

The Battle at Dan and Victory

Abram pursues the enemy northward—about 100 miles from Hebron to Dan (ancient Laish, near modern Lebanon). This long pursuit shows resolve and strategic knowledge. At Dan, Abram attacks under cover of night. The chaos works: Chedorlaomer’s forces are routed, and the captives and spoils are recovered.

Abram continues his pursuit as far as Hobah, north of Damascus—ensuring the enemy is thoroughly scattered and will not return. He retrieves Lot, his family, and the plunder.

Cultural and Spiritual Notes

  • War Parties and Raids: In Abraham’s time, tribal skirmishes and city-state conflicts were common. A household with hundreds of men was significant—Abram may have had up to 1,000 total dependents when including families.
  • Abram the Chieftain: Though known to us as a patriarch, Abram functioned as a wealthy tribal chieftain—influential enough to make military pacts with Amorite clans and confront regional kings.
  • A Man of Peace and Justice: Abram does not seek conquest; he acts to rescue family and bring justice.
  • Foreshadowing Christ: Just as Abram risked himself to rescue Lot, Jesus would later pursue us when we were taken captive by sin.

Key Takeaway for Today:

Abram’s courage shows that faith is not passive. It may mean taking risk for others, acting in justice, and trusting God’s hand in uncertain battles. His victory reminds us that even small, faithful communities can stand against mighty powers when God is with them.

The story of Abraham rescuing Lot (Genesis 14:1–16) fits beautifully into the overarching themes of Session 2: Abraham – Faith and Promise. Below are key intersections between the rescue of Lot and the broader lesson about faith, covenant, and obedient trust, using insights from Scripture, Wesleyan theology, and practical application for the FMC Buna community.

Intersections Between Lot’s Rescue and Session 2 Themes

1. Faith in Action, Not Just Words

Genesis 12 introduced Abraham’s faith as a response to God’s call—he went, even without knowing the destination. In Genesis 14, that faith becomes courageous action: he goes again, this time to rescue Lot.

Wesleyan Insight:

John Wesley called true faith “faith working through love.” Abraham’s pursuit of Lot demonstrates that faith isn’t passive trust—it’s active obedience motivated by covenantal love.

Reflection: How is God asking me to live out my faith—not just believe, but intervene, serve, or protect?

2. Covenant-Led Loyalty

Abraham doesn’t just act out of emotion—he acts out of a covenantal mindset. Lot may have made unwise choices (settling near Sodom), but Abraham remains faithful to their family bond. He also works in alliance with Amorite neighbors (Genesis 14:13), honoring local covenants.

GMC BODD Tie-in – ¶101.5–6:

Covenant requires responsibility, not just relationship. Abraham’s loyalty reflects the kind of covenantal living the church is called to—faithful, self-sacrificing, relational.

Reflection: Do we, as FMC Buna, protect and pursue one another as members of a covenant family—even when people stray?

3. God’s Providence Over Power

Abraham’s force of 318 men defeats a coalition of kings—because he acts with wisdom and God’s favor. The victory is disproportionate, proving that success doesn’t depend on numbers or might, but on God’s provision and timing.

Session Theme Connection:

“Faith walks uphill and still believes.” Abraham wasn’t guaranteed victory—yet he obeyed. This moment anticipates Genesis 22 (the testing of Isaac), where Abraham again acts in faith without knowing the outcome.

Reflection: Where are we being asked to step out in trust, even when the odds look impossible?

4. Righteous Intervention

Abraham did not pursue personal revenge or gain—he risked much to rescue another. His action models how the righteous stand in the gap for others, a foreshadowing of Jesus, the greater Intercessor.

Christological Echo:

Just as Abraham rescued Lot, Christ comes to rescue us—not because we earned it, but because of covenantal love.

Reflection: Is there someone I’ve given up on, who may need me to act with grace and courage on their behalf?