Hebrews 13:8: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

Prayers Across a Life

The God of Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Father,

You were God before I took my first breath.

You were there in the things I remember and the things I have forgotten. You saw every good intention, every foolish decision, every act of courage, every hidden fear, every accomplishment, every failure, every person I helped, and every person I hurt.

Nothing in my story surprises You.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

So I bring You the whole story.

Not the polished version.

Not the professional biography.

Not the testimony that conveniently leaves out the embarrassing chapters.

Not the story in which everyone else caused the problems.

And not the story in which I condemn myself for everything that ever went wrong.

I bring You the truth as best I can see it.

Show me what I still cannot see.

Correct what I remember wrongly.

Forgive what was sinful.

Heal what was wounded.

Redeem what was wasted.

And receive whatever was genuinely offered to You in faith and love.

Amen.

The First Decade

1958–1967 — A Prayer for the Little Boy

Father,

Thank You for giving me life.

Thank You for my mother and father, for their work, sacrifice, provision, and the ways they taught me through what they did even when many things were never spoken.

You saw the little boy I was.

You saw what frightened me.

You saw what confused me.

You saw the things I did not understand and did not know how to ask about.

You knew me before I learned to perform.

You knew me before accomplishment became important.

You knew me before I learned to hide.

Where childhood formed good things in me—curiosity, determination, responsibility, imagination, compassion, and a desire to understand how things worked—I thank You.

Where childhood formed fear, insecurity, shame, or the belief that I needed to earn my worth, bring truth into those memories.

Teach me to look at that child neither sentimentally nor contemptuously.

He was a sinner in need of grace, but he was also a child created in Your image who needed wisdom, instruction, protection, and love.

Thank You that even when I did not understand You, You understood me.

Amen.

The Second Decade

1968–1977 — A Prayer for the Boy Who Learned to Hide and Dream

Father,

You know the years when childhood began turning into adulthood.

You know the confusion of adolescence.

You know the fear and shame I attached to things I did not understand.

At twelve years old I carried fears about myself that I did not tell anyone.

You knew.

I hid from people, but I was never hidden from You.

Forgive the sinful patterns of concealment that eventually grew from those early fears.

But also help me distinguish between actual guilt and shame that never belonged to me.

Do not allow me to call something sin merely because a frightened child thought it was.

Thank You for giving me wonder.

Thank You for letting a boy in East Texas look toward the Moon, see Neil Armstrong step onto another world, and imagine possibilities beyond anything around him.

Thank You for awakening an interest in science, technology, engineering, and discovery that would shape much of my life.

Guard me now from romanticizing those years.

And guard me from condemning them.

You were already writing a story I could not yet understand.

Amen.

The Third Decade

1978–1987 — A Prayer for the Young Engineer

Father,

Thank You for education, opportunity, intelligence, curiosity, and the ability to learn.

Thank You for electrical engineering.

Thank You for computers, radio systems, telecommunications, and the technical world that became a place where my mind came alive.

You gave me abilities I did not create.

Forgive me for every time ability became identity.

Forgive me when competence became pride.

Forgive me when solving problems became a substitute for depending upon You.

I learned that if I studied hard enough, worked long enough, and thought carefully enough, many difficult problems could be solved.

That lesson served me well as an engineer.

It could never serve as the foundation of my soul.

Some problems require calculation.

Others require humility.

Some require persistence.

Others require surrender.

Some require leadership.

Others require listening.

Teach me even now to know the difference.

Thank You for every person who taught me, trusted me, corrected me, and gave me opportunities while I was learning.

Amen.

The Fourth Decade

1988–1997 — A Prayer for the Builder and Leader

Father,

These were years of increasing responsibility.

I learned systems.

I learned microwave.

I learned fiber optics.

I learned digital communications, land-mobile radio, SCADA, and technologies that few people around me understood.

I became someone other people depended upon.

Eventually I led people.

Thank You for every project successfully completed and every person whose work or life became better because I did my job faithfully.

But Lord, search those years carefully.

Show me where leadership became control.

Show me where confidence became arrogance.

Show me where conviction became stubbornness.

Show me where my desire to protect people caused me to assume authority that was not actually mine.

Forgive the bridges I burned.

Forgive the words spoken from pride, anger, certainty, or woundedness.

Forgive me whenever I believed that because my concern was legitimate, my method must therefore have been right.

Thank You for the people I helped.

Forgive me for the people I hurt.

Teach me the lesson I should have learned then:

Doing the right thing does not excuse doing it the wrong way.

Amen.

The Fifth Decade

1998–2007 — A Prayer for the Man Who Met Christ

Father,

This decade contains the most important dividing line in my life.

October 2000.

Jesus Christ became more than a doctrine, tradition, or religious idea to me.

You drew me toward Yourself.

Thank You.

Nothing I accomplished professionally compares with that mercy.

Yet I confess something else.

I came to Christ carrying decades of habits, wounds, pride, fear, ambition, concealment, and self-reliance.

I did not surrender them all at once.

Some I did not even recognize.

Some I defended.

Some I baptized with Christian language.

Some remain battles even now.

Thank You that salvation did not depend upon my ability to repair myself before coming to You.

Thank You for grace.

But protect me from using grace as an excuse for refusing repentance.

Teach me the difference between being forgiven and pretending that sin no longer matters.

Thank You for my marriage.

Thank You for Leisa.

Thank You for her faithfulness to You, her encouragement, her forgiveness, and every way You have used her presence in my life.

Forgive me wherever my secrecy, decisions, fears, work, or ambitions placed burdens upon her that she should never have had to carry.

Teach me to love her not merely in intention but in truth, openness, patience, sacrifice, and faithfulness.

Amen.

The Sixth Decade

2008–2017 — A Prayer for Achievement, Service, and Warning Signs

Father,

Thank You for years of meaningful work.

Thank You for engineering projects, consulting work, utilities, communications systems, public safety systems, infrastructure, and opportunities to solve problems that mattered.

Thank You for allowing decades of experience to become useful to other people.

Thank You for reputation where it was honestly earned.

Thank You for trust where it was wisely given.

But Lord, show me what was happening underneath those accomplishments.

Was I becoming more like Christ?

Or merely more capable?

Was I becoming wiser?

Or merely more experienced?

Was I learning dependence upon You?

Or becoming increasingly convinced that almost anything could be solved if I worked hard enough?

Where success reinforced unhealthy patterns, show me.

Where admiration fed pride, forgive me.

Where busyness kept me from relationships, forgive me.

Where professional responsibility displaced spiritual responsibility, forgive me.

Where I was available to solve everyone else’s technical problems but unavailable emotionally to those closest to me, have mercy upon me.

Thank You that You were faithful even while warning signs were accumulating that I did not fully recognize.

Amen.

The Seventh Decade

2018–2026 — A Prayer for Dreams, Ministry, Failure, and Truth

Father,

These years have contained dreams I believed were worth pursuing.

Rural broadband.

Technology for forgotten communities.

Libraries.

Churches.

Schools.

Public safety.

Economic development.

Businesses.

People without adequate infrastructure.

Places larger companies overlooked.

There was genuine good in that vision.

Some people were helped.

Some communities received things they would not otherwise have received.

Thank You for every household connected, every organization strengthened, every technical problem solved, every person served, and every relationship formed.

But good purpose does not sanctify bad judgment.

I confess that.

Somewhere along the way, mission and identity became entangled.

Responsibility and control became confused.

Persistence sometimes became refusal to face reality.

Faith sometimes became indistinguishable from hoping that one more project, one more customer, one more source of revenue, or one more month would solve what had already become structurally unsustainable.

I made decisions that were mine to make.

I delayed decisions that were mine to make.

I concealed realities I should have disclosed.

I used resources believing I could replace them later.

I allowed financial obligations to accumulate.

I sometimes protected the possibility of rescuing the company instead of facing the truth about the company.

Other people made mistakes.

Other people failed in responsibilities.

Other people contributed to the chaos.

But their failures do not erase mine.

I confess what belongs to me.

Father, forgive me.

Teach me to make restitution where restitution is possible.

Teach me to speak truth where truth is owed.

Teach me not to promise what I cannot deliver.

Teach me not to manipulate people’s compassion.

Teach me not to convert repentance into another heroic project in which I once again become the man who fixes everything.

Some consequences may remain for years.

Give me grace to accept that.

Do not allow me to call consequences persecution.

Do not allow me to call accountability unfairness.

Do not allow shame to drive me back into concealment.

And do not allow failure to convince me that the good accomplished through these years was imaginary.

You alone can judge the whole thing rightly.

I also bring You the church.

The conflicts.

The ministry responsibilities.

The people I love.

The people who disappointed me.

The people I may have disappointed.

The pastors, Christians, friends, leaders, and others whose conduct confused or wounded me.

Keep bitterness from taking root.

Where I was wrong, correct me.

Where others were wrong, help me respond without contempt.

Where reconciliation is possible, lead toward it.

Where boundaries are necessary, give me courage.

Where silence is wiser than argument, close my mouth.

Where truth must be spoken, keep fear from silencing me.

And now, Father, the business I fought so hard to preserve is ending.

Something I poured years, money, energy, hope, intellect, and identity into is disappearing.

I grieve it.

But I will not worship it.

Evergreen is not Christ.

Broadband is not Christ.

Engineering is not Christ.

My reputation is not Christ.

My usefulness is not Christ.

My ability to rescue people is not Christ.

Jesus Christ is Lord.

If everything else must become smaller so that I finally understand that, then teach me through it.

Amen.

A Prayer for Age Sixty-Eight

2026 — Right Now

Father,

Here I am.

Not where I expected to be.

Not where I would have chosen to be.

But here.

There are debts.

There are obligations.

There are damaged relationships.

There are unfinished projects.

There are people who still depend upon me.

There are technical problems waiting for solutions.

There are ministry responsibilities.

There is a wife I want to love faithfully.

There is family.

There are friends.

There are customers and former customers.

There are creditors.

There are communities where I still want to serve.

There is grief.

There is exhaustion.

There is also work worth doing.

And there is still life.

So keep me from trying to live yesterday again.

Keep me from spending today attempting to rewrite what cannot be rewritten.

Keep me from imagining that tomorrow depends completely upon my ability to manufacture an escape from today’s consequences.

Give me today’s bread.

Today’s wisdom.

Today’s repentance.

Today’s work.

Today’s courage.

Today’s restraint.

Today’s truth.

Today’s love.

Today’s obedience.

Help me distinguish between what must be done today and what fear tells me must be solved today.

Give me strength to finish necessary work without once again becoming consumed by it.

Give me humility to receive help.

Give me courage to tell the truth.

Give me discipline to rebuild financially and professionally without rebuilding the same patterns that helped bring me here.

And when I am tempted to ask, “How do I save everything?”

teach me instead to ask,

“Lord Jesus, what is mine to do faithfully today?”

Amen.

A Prayer for My Marriage

Father,

Thank You for Leisa.

Thank You that she has walked beside me through years of accomplishment, stress, uncertainty, ministry, work, family, financial pressure, and decisions she did not always make and could not always control.

Forgive me for every way I made her carry consequences without giving her the truth necessary to understand them.

Forgive me when I confused protecting her with withholding reality from her.

Forgive me when fear of disappointing her became justification for concealment.

Teach me to honor her through truth.

Teach me to listen without immediately solving.

Teach me to be present when no engineering answer exists.

Teach me that loving my wife faithfully is more important than rescuing another project.

Thank You for her faith.

Thank You for every prayer she has prayed.

Thank You for every time she encouraged me when I was weary.

Thank You for every time she remained when remaining was difficult.

May the years ahead contain more truth between us than the years behind.

More peace.

More companionship.

More prayer.

More laughter.

More patience.

More Christ.

Amen.

A Prayer for My Children and Family

Father,

I remember holding my son when he was two days old and wondering what the future held.

You knew then.

You know now.

Forgive me for every way my work, ambition, fear, financial decisions, or constant sense of responsibility distracted me from the people entrusted to me.

Thank You for every good memory.

Thank You for family.

Thank You for the privilege of being a father.

Where I failed, help me acknowledge it without excuses.

Where there is something I should say, give me words.

Where an apology is owed, give me humility.

Where I cannot repair something, teach me to entrust it to You rather than attempting to control another person’s response.

Protect those I love from carrying burdens that belong to me.

And let whatever years remain demonstrate more clearly than my words that Christ matters more than accomplishment.

Amen.

A Prayer for Work

Father,

You made human beings to work.

Work is not my enemy.

Technology is not my enemy.

Engineering is not my enemy.

Business is not my enemy.

Leadership is not my enemy.

But none of them are my savior.

Thank You for giving me an engineer’s mind.

Thank You for curiosity.

Thank You for decades of experience.

Thank You that at sixty-eight years old I can still understand systems, troubleshoot networks, design solutions, help customers, teach younger people, and solve real problems.

Do not take away the gifts.

Purify their use.

Let the next work I do be characterized by honesty, sound judgment, financial discipline, reasonable limits, transparency, excellence, and service.

Keep me from creating another crusade.

Keep me from making every problem mine.

Keep me from risking what belongs to my family because I believe I can save an organization.

Keep me from confusing opportunity with calling.

Keep me from confusing need with responsibility.

Keep me from confusing ability with obligation.

And when You place genuine work before me, help me do it extremely well.

Amen.

A Prayer for Ministry

Lord Jesus,

You are the Shepherd.

I am not.

Your church belongs to You.

The people belong to You.

The reputation of the church belongs to You.

The future of the church belongs to You.

Forgive me whenever I have carried ministry as though everything depended upon me.

Forgive me where pride, irritation, hurt, fear, or frustration affected how I viewed Your people.

Help me remember that every difficult person bears Your image.

Help me confront wrongdoing without contempt.

Help me extend mercy without enabling sin.

Help me pursue reconciliation without pretending evil did not happen.

Help me speak truth without enjoying the power of being the one who speaks it.

Let me preach nothing I am unwilling to place myself beneath.

Let confession begin with me.

Let repentance begin with me.

Let service begin with me.

And if there ever comes a point where I cannot serve faithfully, give me enough humility to recognize it.

Your church does not need me to be its savior.

It already has One.

Amen.

A Prayer for the Future

Father,

I do not know how many years remain.

That knowledge belongs to You.

If You give me twenty more years, they are Yours.

If You give me ten, they are Yours.

If You give me five, they are Yours.

If tomorrow is my last day, it is Yours.

But if You allow me more years, I ask You for something different from what I might once have requested.

I do not primarily ask You to make me successful again.

I do not primarily ask You to restore the money.

I do not primarily ask You to rebuild the company.

I do not primarily ask You to restore my reputation.

I do not primarily ask You to give me another great project.

I ask You to make me faithful.

If financial restoration comes, teach me stewardship.

If professional opportunity comes, teach me humility.

If influence returns, make me careful with it.

If wealth returns, remind me that it belongs to You.

If another great idea comes, make me test it patiently instead of immediately building it.

If I am given another leadership position, teach me to listen before acting.

If people praise me, keep me grounded.

If they criticize me, help me listen for whatever is true.

If I am misunderstood, keep me from desperation to defend myself.

If I fail again, make me quicker to admit it.

If I succeed again, make me quicker to give thanks.

Give me people who will tell me the truth.

And give me enough humility to hear them.

Let me spend whatever remains of my life becoming less divided.

Less hidden.

Less driven by fear.

Less controlled by the need to rescue.

Less dependent upon accomplishment for identity.

Let me become a better husband.

A wiser father.

A faithful pastor.

A trustworthy engineer.

A responsible businessman.

A useful community servant.

A loyal friend.

And above everything else, a faithful disciple of Jesus Christ.

I cannot change yesterday.

I cannot control tomorrow.

But today I can follow You.

So here is what remains of my life, Lord.

The years.

The abilities.

The failures.

The knowledge.

The debts.

The experience.

The scars.

The relationships.

The opportunities.

The things I still hope to build.

The things I must finally let die.

The things I understand.

And the things I still do not understand.

I place them before You.

Do with them what glorifies Christ.

When my life is finally finished, I do not need the story to say that I won every battle, saved every project, recovered every dollar, solved every problem, or proved that I had been right.

I want something simpler and greater.

May it be said that, however late and however imperfectly, I learned to follow Jesus Christ in the truth.

And when the final chapter has been written, may grace—not fear, pride, achievement, failure, or regret—be the clearest explanation of the whole story.

In the name of Jesus Christ,

Amen.

These prayers are not written as though the boy, the young man, the husband, the engineer, the Christian, the leader, the businessman, the pastor, or the older man I became understood then what I understand now.

They are prayers spoken from where I stand today, at sixty-eight years old, looking back over the whole of my life as honestly as I know how.

I do not want to rewrite the past to make myself look better, nor do I want to condemn every painful chapter simply because I now see things I could not see then. There was real good in my life. There were real accomplishments, real acts of service, real love, real faith, and real moments when God used me for the benefit of others. There were also failures, sins, wounds, pride, fear, concealment, bad judgment, and consequences that cannot simply be explained away.

I want to hold both truths before God.

These prayers are my attempt to look back without pretending that I knew then what I know now, to repent without rewriting history, and to give thanks without pretending that everything painful was somehow good.

I cannot change the life I have already lived.

But I can tell the truth about it.

I can thank God for His mercy in it.

I can confess what belongs to me.

I can learn from what happened.

And I can place whatever remains of my life into the hands of Jesus Christ, trusting Him with yesterday, today, and whatever tomorrow may hold.